Mikey and his Mystery Car

Mikey was only a garsún when his Da bought him the Mystery Car, pristine with just 11,045 miles. They lived in Cadamstown, at the foot of the Slieve Bloom mountains. His father was a decent sort but the mother was a fish of a very different colour indeed. Or was it a horse?

Anyway, his first journey was to Portlaoise for a Thai curry in O’Gorman’s of Kilminchy. For a country boy, our Tommy has exotic tastes! Unfortunately, he spilled spicy sauce on his pristine white shirt and so a trip to Eamon Bracken’s Menswear was in order.

While in Portarlington, a brainwave landed: he could soup up his Mystery Car with a loan from Tullamore Credit Union. So off he went, dressed to impress.

With a bulging wallet, he departed Tullamore for Crozier Autoparts in Moate, excitedly asking for go-faster-stripes. Noting he had burned much rubber, a trip to Athlone Tyre depot was the next priority.

While there, his mother called and told him to pick up an Ireland’s Own at McCarthy’s Centra. “But I just passed there Ma”, he protested, foolishly. He had no choice but to drive back to Moate.

Sadly, they were sold out. Same story at Hughes Eurospar in Kinnegad. No luck either at Hughes Eurospar, Mullingar.

“Have you tried Golden Island Shopping Centre in Athlone ya useless gombeen?”

Mikey dared not return home without his mother’s treasured Ireland’s Own. Alas, Mary O’Rourke beat him to the last copy.

Despondent, our hero drove aimlessly until he found himself outside Jel’s Kitchen in Clara. Having ordered his large soya chai latte – exotic tastes, remember – he chanced his luck with one of the waitresses but, oddly, she didn’t have an Ireland’s Own either. However, she suggested putting a call out on Midlands 103. Loving the idea, he drove to the studios in Tullamore to deliver his request in person.

At last, his prayers were answered. A devout fan of Ireland’s Own agreed to donate a copy to our mournful Mikey and they met at Birr Carpets an hour later.

Chuffed, Mikey pointed the Mystery Car towards home. Unfortunately, he and his mother suffer terribly with amnesia so he repeated the same journeys every day for a full year, before reluctantly selling on the Mystery Car.

True story.

Oh, and he used Google Maps for directions, always asking for the quickest route.

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